I don't have any talent

I am jealous of most kids having cool talents (drawing, painting, sketching, dancing, singing, academics, etc.) especially in arts. I am not a typical gifted person who is good almost on all kinds of art. I do not know why am I not talented as others, too. I have tried a lot of things, but did not work well for me.

For so long, I believed that no one is talentless or does not excel in a certain thing. Howbeit, reality pulls me out of that belief. Yep, talent lived within me once; when I was younger. Most people had praised me for singing and reaching that pitchy high notes of Celine Dion and who else's songs. I was naive and confident of myself singing in front of many people, though nervous. 

Later, I thought it will be a huge part of me, like fifty percent or seventy to hundred. Being part of a glee club helped me with my self-esteem. I was a soprano in fifth grade, then became an alto for talking too much with alto freshies. In sixth grade, I did not auditioned to be a member. I joined the book lovers club instead, since singing practices were so time demanding whilst it is not. 

My freshmen year encouraged me again to join glee club. I also started playing my guitar (bought when I was in fifth grade) and learned easy songs through YouTube and internet guitar chords/lyrics. The three years of auditioning to glee club downgraded my whole singing thing. I was always rejected and felt like I lost that greatest talent I have. Freshmen, it was fine because maybe my previous teacher got traumatized with my unstoppable talking. Sophomore, same thing, though with some doubt of 'why again?' Lastly, junior year made me realized that I am not worthy to be part of the glee club. I lost that gift.

After a year (senior), I am in college/university! Yey~ So basically, organizations are common inside universities and colleges. Most students have an org or orgs. Yes, I have never thought they can handle all those with studies. I salute them. I have been exposed to a lot of organizations in schools, but what caught me were the choir, the legal/law, and the Korean one. Definitely, there were no initiations to the law/legal and the Korean Culture (except for a membership fee for one). 

I auditioned for our local faculty choir. I found them awesome since they compete outside the university too. I was really nervous during the auditions and picked whatever song I can. I sang a K-Pop and a Christian song (all that I can remember). Sadly, I was not able to get a position. It is okay though. I know that I am not that good enough for such standard. 

I am never bitter, though it dropped my self-esteem to pursue what I was before. I know that I should not continue what was mine once, just accept reality. Puberty gradually changes a lot in oneself, aye? Blame it to puberty! Lol just kidding. 

Seriously, I am still singing like a pro! I am confident with my loved ones. Who cares, YOLO. Yet, I still have not found what I am good at. Just busy learning how to be good in playing the guitar and busy stalking handsome guys. 

***Woopsie, I am talking about a South African, British and Aussie YouTubers (:

P.S. Someday I will learn how to paint, make great videos on YouTube, do acoustic covers on Soundcloud and take photographs even more like a pro. Someday, I will just reach the stars I have been dreaming from this time. 

Soon... x