Wednesday, February 5th

If other people see February as love month, either I. Heaps, I love February. Though, it ain't about dating and receiving a lot of cheap roses sold outside the gates of school and Dangwa. Yet, I don't really expect someone giving me. I won't appreciate it anyway. Well, unless...depends. Haha, psh. 

Anyway, speaking of Feb, all I have in mind is The Walking Dead. It's coming back this week. I think it will be available on FOX by Feb. 10. Whoo, I'm excited. My fetish for zombies and bloody red gore is coming back. I'm not normal. 

Today was pretty amazing. I saw and hugged my gym trainer at school. I really missed him and missed going to the gym, too. It was a legit feeling of comfort, really motivated me for the rest of the day  and during training. It's been weeks since I received a legit hug. 

11:15 p.m. This feels so weird, my mum was calling me a while ago and kept messaging me. I wonder if she's thinking I'm asleep or not okay. I know she's worried, but I hope she knows I got cut. My postpaid plan got cut. I can't text nor have internet data for three days. I miss the internet so much and my mum as well. 

Yet, I think all my post-concert depression won't go away. It's been three weeks and three days since 8123. I still can't live a normal life. If my cousin's playlist last monday was Parokya ni Edgar and today is Maroon 5 (Sunday Morning playing...), mine is still the same line up during the concert. Still in the trance of that amazing night. I can even hear John speaking to me and that hug I received from it. It was glorious! Omg, nostalgia. 

I'm still waiting for a call, mum. 

Bruised

January 12, 2014. The date when I almost committed myself to John Cornelius. But, I was out of my mind to waste my seconds to a typical "how are you?" convo and not of marriage. Lol, that would make me a creeper even more. Here's the story goes...

Somebody told me

I never took the risk to be in a romantic relationship. I never allowed someone to go beyond friendship. I never went on a "date." Maybe I'm just scared to try to really fall into a commitment.

You wouldn't say that you're okay alone, because everyone had at least one instance that they wanted to be in romance. We all fall in love. We all have our own types and ideals - because we are humans. 

I've fell in love a couple of times. Idk if it's love, but I felt pain inside me. I have a lot of crushes and sometimes I believe in the three-month rule and sometimes not. I had a crush on someone for a short time, but it was a heartbreak. There is someone that I met months ago, and I still like him. 

Just a thought...

No one really understands what the real problem is. Everyone already assumes for conclusion, without even consulting those involved. Why is everyone becoming so narrow-minded?

Everyone blames anyone, just for the sake of pointing out someone to carry the misery - just an assumption of who's who. Please, it is ruthless. 

I hate how the world suddenly shifted. I know life is complicated and that it is fun, but why does it have to be dull all of a sudden for almosy a year?

Is this all a test from the Almighty Father? Am I already using His name in vain? I'm just seeking for right decisions and right answers. I badly need answers. I need to know why and how. 

The dilemma of why and how is hard. 

x