Sometimes I wish for death

Okay, it's always been part of learning, part of growing up, part of etc etc etc...

I'm sick of this life!!! I feel so humiliated by myself greatly. Definitely people already sees me as that stupid girl who doesn't know anything. Well, I accept this as a consequence. Though, I don't know how can I accept my family's torn faces if I fail at this.

I'm basically taking up a dayum pre-law course (Alumni from it are expected to take up law as a profession) and now on my second year in the university. My first choice was engineering, but failing multiple times during entrance exams, I gave up. 

The only degree program or course on my mind, when I was in the peak of choosing where to go, was engineering. Nothing else comes to my mind. 

July 6, 2013

It was a not-so-ordinary day for me yesterday. Well, because having regular Saturday classes is not usual, and sometimes I have a whole week one. Sophomore year in university is hectic!

What about yesterday? It is not about that "classes thing," but something else. I can still remember my Lolo Pacoy. Who would forget him? He was the perfect father and grandfather. He is actually my favorite person amongst all of the people around me. I might find more favorites, yet he is the greatest. I love my lolo so much. 

**June 18, 2008 was the worst birthday for my mother and the worst day for us. My lolo was admitted to the hospital until his last breath on 6th of July the same year.**

I don't have any talent

I am jealous of most kids having cool talents (drawing, painting, sketching, dancing, singing, academics, etc.) especially in arts. I am not a typical gifted person who is good almost on all kinds of art. I do not know why am I not talented as others, too. I have tried a lot of things, but did not work well for me.

For so long, I believed that no one is talentless or does not excel in a certain thing. Howbeit, reality pulls me out of that belief. Yep, talent lived within me once; when I was younger. Most people had praised me for singing and reaching that pitchy high notes of Celine Dion and who else's songs. I was naive and confident of myself singing in front of many people, though nervous. 

The real "IDEAL"

Someone, a boy or a girl, has told me that I can't literally have a boyfriend because of having too many ideals and such. I have think of too much after hearing that though. But, end up that having no boyfriend is not really a big deal to me.

Crushes is where I exist. It helped me a lot with my high school years, especially K-Pop guys. They were the reasons why I never give up and continue with life until I have graduated from high school. Seriously, during my freshman year in college, my schedule made me insane, it made me a little bit lazy and probably lazy to wake up early. However, I never failed a subject which I am happy with. Btw, I also have a lot of crushes in my university, since there were a lot of them in a university, yes wasn't able to stop myself from mentioning them and stalking some of them.