Overjoy.

I regret myself from the past, perhaps present is my karma.

There's a sudden outburst of regrets circling around my head for a couple of days, months, years. College made me change a lot different from who I was before. I don't know if this is a good thing, but it always makes me buckle into deep thoughts every time I lie down on my bedroom bed or dorm. Sometimes, I carry it around whenever my nerves calm down for a bit and then it haunts me again. If I have to figure out...

Sometimes I wish for death

Okay, it's always been part of learning, part of growing up, part of etc etc etc...

I'm sick of this life!!! I feel so humiliated by myself greatly. Definitely people already sees me as that stupid girl who doesn't know anything. Well, I accept this as a consequence. Though, I don't know how can I accept my family's torn faces if I fail at this.

I'm basically taking up a dayum pre-law course (Alumni from it are expected to take up law as a profession) and now on my second year in the university. My first choice was engineering, but failing multiple times during entrance exams, I gave up. 

The only degree program or course on my mind, when I was in the peak of choosing where to go, was engineering. Nothing else comes to my mind. 

Fourth Week

I have a homework that frustrates me so much. I don't know how so, it just bothers me from time to time (second to second; every breath). The assignment though, is darn easier and I know that I can able to do it. What I don't really like is the reading piece or article that I will base on. It ruins everything.

I don't really like reading. I hate forced reading; especially those kind of stuffs which consumed how many pieces of bond paper just to be able to satisfy their brains and write everything in it. I don't even remember liking this faculty I'm in. I guess I don't have this clear place in college where I can brag about my ideas and such. I don't know where I belong. I like a lot of courses, I just don't excel well on them. Those courses probably, doesn't do anything with the subjects I'm having right now. Why am I being so rude about life, can't I just deal with reality?

Once, my friend told me that a lot of people from our batch suffer from fulfilling their requirements like tomorrow is death. I was moved by this. I told her about my homework (which what I rant about now) and she said that I was too lucky to do something like this and continued with that above. She was bored with school for doing nothing. What I meant moved, I was motivated at least. Just this day she said that, just this day I was longing for motivation.  I guess hearing "suffer", "fulfilling", and "requirements" were the reasons that moved me from this petiks life. Yes, I haven't started with anything yet, nevertheless I will have something to pass this Monday. I assure you.

Goodnight.

Ang mga Kaibigan ko ng Hayskul

Sa totoo lang, marami talaga akong na-realized mga nitong araw lang. Idrk kung part 'to ng growing up or just normal na nangyayari sa tao. Parang nung napaisip ako, ang dami kong mami-MISS sa tana ng buhay high school student ko. Ewan ko, dati para sakin basta makatapos ako okay na. Feel ko dati ang O.A. ng mga students na umiiyak pag-graduation lalo na kung makikita pa rin naman sila next school year sa same school pati. Tas dati ang dating sakin ng mga remembrances ay JOLOGS. Ang taas ng pride ko tas parang wala kong pakialam sa feelings ng mga friends or mga nagmamahal sakin. Hanggang 'thank you' lang ang response ko.

Marami na din naman akong naging friends eh kahit na maraming gusto na siguro akong patayin sa sobrang kaprangkahan ko. Feel ko lahat ng tinuturing kong friends ay ganun din ang tingin sakin. Yung tipong walang bahid ng kaplastikan. Tingin ko nga, lahat talaga ng kaibigan ko ay kaya kong mabilang sa mga daliri ko.