Fussed.

I have an entry in queue before this, but I am still not sure if I will be able to publish it. I just wanted to express these stuffs bothering my right now. Especially with the society and environment am in apparently. I want to speak out. Seriously. I might not sleep if I won't!!!

I think I am being so outrageous of the situation. I know it's definitely wrong to judge other people or ruin someone. Maybe yes, that I did judge no one. As far as I know, really. However, something contradicts with this perception. Maybe yes, I did already just judged somebody else out of disliking them. I don't really know the reality of this. I hate putting someone in this state with Idk reason why I dislike him or her. Right now, I think of bad impressions. I can't say which of those I hated, maybe all? Oh no, I shouldn't be.

I hate MAYBEs. It's so lame. Why do I kept repeating that word. I tend to always use it, especially with excuses. I didn't mean to though, but it's convenient.

Back to my rant, I don't know why am I being like this. Sometimes I like something or someone, sometimes not. Am I being so bipolar? I'm scared of this!!! Do I really need a psychiatrist or counseling? I guess no, since I can now contextualize why am being like this, right?

Hayst. This is stressful than my paperworks! I need to find solutions put of this mess within me. I'm not having identity crisis right now, more of self-assessment. I will really find these behinds.
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Goodnight x

Fourth Week

I have a homework that frustrates me so much. I don't know how so, it just bothers me from time to time (second to second; every breath). The assignment though, is darn easier and I know that I can able to do it. What I don't really like is the reading piece or article that I will base on. It ruins everything.

I don't really like reading. I hate forced reading; especially those kind of stuffs which consumed how many pieces of bond paper just to be able to satisfy their brains and write everything in it. I don't even remember liking this faculty I'm in. I guess I don't have this clear place in college where I can brag about my ideas and such. I don't know where I belong. I like a lot of courses, I just don't excel well on them. Those courses probably, doesn't do anything with the subjects I'm having right now. Why am I being so rude about life, can't I just deal with reality?

Once, my friend told me that a lot of people from our batch suffer from fulfilling their requirements like tomorrow is death. I was moved by this. I told her about my homework (which what I rant about now) and she said that I was too lucky to do something like this and continued with that above. She was bored with school for doing nothing. What I meant moved, I was motivated at least. Just this day she said that, just this day I was longing for motivation.  I guess hearing "suffer", "fulfilling", and "requirements" were the reasons that moved me from this petiks life. Yes, I haven't started with anything yet, nevertheless I will have something to pass this Monday. I assure you.

Goodnight.

WHAT IS LOVE

For me, love isn't about two lovers. 

It's more about love for and from my own loved ones, love for myself, and love for my own desire. That is what I think love is all about. In fact, I'm always in love. In love with a lot of human beings, a lot of material possessions, and basically Korean Pop or simply K-Pop. I'm not sinfully committed with Korean boys, Korean merchandises (albums, posters, collectibles, etc), and everything Korean. I'm just plainly in love. I might sometimes disturb a lot of people especially with my excited mixed feelings whenever I see something that I love. However, be thankful because I haven't killed anyone yet (loljk). 

My endless desires in life kept me motivated with my practical life which is studying. I am also able to continue saving my money for these endless wants and sometimes use it for something else which my parents think is better than fangirling (not really). See, it changed me a lot. 

K-Pop has been one of my major strengths after the Lord and my family. I would rather be a fangirl forever, instead of doing drugs and stuffs illegal (all gross) which I hate to acknowledge on TV the most together with the government issues that doesn't even help us citizens. 

Goodnight. Next week will be that start of my first year in college. I'm not excited, I hope everything go well.

PS. I really love this song. EXO-K's What Is Love

ONE YEAR AGO...

May 22nd of the year 2011. The very first time and day I'll be living with strangers in one room. I already packed up my stuffs and clothes for a two-week review and ready to leave my home for a while. We arrived at the place, I met the landlord, he seems nice and thoughtful. I checked the house and of course the room where I will be staying for two weeks. The landlord, Tito Mac, asked me to choose which bed would most fit me (there are obviously 5 beds, 2 double-decks and one single bed). I told him I want the single one. My luggage and other stuffs were placed there, seemingly like to save that place for me. Since I was curious about whom I'll be living with, I asked him how many will stay in the same room and how old are they. He then responded that I'll be having 4 roommates and that all those were also Brain Train reviewees. Whew, I felt complete relief.
(PS. Upon seeing the actual room, I already spotted the single bed with a its own wall fan. Hahaha, I was too greedy that time, I want my own electric fan. lol)